A bit of an extreme title, I admit. But in lots of ways it is true. So many people here are “forced” into a life of corruption, bribery, scams, theft, extortion, illegality, etc. If you can’t put food on the table, what would you do? Starve??? So, a bit of money-taking from people that have more can hardly be considered a crime, right Robin Hood?

The average wage is so low, for the majority of jobs, that if you don’t get money on the side somehow, you can’t pay the bills. OK, fine… that may be a slight exaggeration, but without a doubt, it is significantly harder to pay the bills and have an average quality of life. And with Western culture creeping into spreading throughout the country (and the region), like a virus without an antibody to stop it, the desire to be rich and famous and be one of the “have’s” vs. the “have-not’s” is palpable. Everybody wants. And everyone wants cool stuff.

In my opinion it’s impossible for Westerners that haven’t been here to imagine what it’s like. But try. Try to imagine that you have [forever] been cut off from the majority of progressive worldly influences (unless the USSR government wanted to expose the people to them, which were apparently few and far between) — all until 15 years ago. At that time, the flood gates opened, so to speak. And now that bereft freedom is like a tidal wave spilling over the terrain, which carried a consumerism virus. The problem is that nobody has any money, or any equity for that matter.

People want more than they can have. Sure, greed is an age-old emotion. In the West, you can be legally greedy! If you can stick to the law of the land, and finesse a sweet life within the confines of democracy, then more power to you. Law and order serve as foundations for such fortunes and freedoms. But in Ukraine, at least from my perspective in the capital (Kiev / Kyiv), even the public officials are obviously on the take. From what I gather, they make so little that it’s nearly impossible to have a reasonable lifestyle if they don’t take from others. I suppose it similar in lots of 2nd and 3rd world countries — but for me, living here, it is a very new experience, and it makes me truly fear the law.
So, let me get to my point.

I have a couple of examples to share. And God, I really hope the Polizia don’t figure out who I am. The first example, and the trigger that elicited this post occurred to my brother in law (BIL). BIL got pulled over by the police last week. Not sure what he did — I think it was just a “routine stop.” Let me explain…

Usually the police park their cars at known, consistent, pre-determined places on roads. After all, why should they go chasing people around in their beat up Lada’s? Why not let the “new rich” people come to them? This being said, I’m not sure why the pulled BIL over; he doesn’t have that nice of a car. So… the cops sit in their cars, or the little “lifeguard” stations that they erect — and they wait. Funnily enough, the cops have these “checkpoints” set up at “funnel” locations. Points on major thoroughfares that people are forced to drive through. Ex: dams, bridges, highways, major intersections, etc… So they wave you over, and you stop. The inspect your papers. They run your name on their computer. If you did something bad in your past – you are in trouble. If there was something wrong with your car – you are in trouble. If you’ve done nothing wrong, and your car is in working condition – you could still be in trouble. You have a significantly higher chance of getting pulled over if the policemen are standing next to the road and if nobody is obviously parked on the road’s shoulder. That means the previous car just left, and that they are ready to make a few more bucks. You know… “Mama needs another purse…” Thus, they brandish white and red barber-pole like batons, and wave in the direction of the shoulder as you approach when they want you to pull over. Of course, the speed limit is often 25km/hr just before a patrol station, so they can get a good look at you.

Who? Who do they prefer pull over, you ask? Generally anyone in a BMW, Mercedes, Hummer, Porsche, anything shiny, anything washed, anything new, anything. But the more money a person appears to have (because everyone with money damn well shows it by buying a shiny new car), the more likely they are to have a spare $20, $50, or $100 in their wallet. Who needs a reason? They have a baton and a radio! And God knows you would give them almost anything so they don’t concoct some reason to take you to the station — as you might not be heard from for a week. I’m afraid that when they pull me over, they’ll figure out I’m American, and feel as if they just hit jackpot, or found a golden ticket in “Willy Wonka Bar.”

So, back to BIL. When BIL had his documents returned to him by the police, one thing was missing. His car registration. In the nervous haze that follows the squeeze of adrenal glands, he did not check his documents and fled the “crime” scene as quickly as he could. About two days later, BIL started receiving phone calls from an un-named, non-telephone-number-leaving individual. Eventually the call came through while BIL was home, and the anonymous caller pronounced ownership of BIL’s car registration. What do you know — surprise, surprise, surprise, Gomer. The person wanted cash, and wanted to meet tomorrow in a discreet place, at night.

BIL, knowing that the bureaucratic red-tape involved in legally replacing one’s car registration is as thick as a Mississippi swamp, makes a reasonable demand. The price: $500 Hrivna ($100 USD). Obviously it’s a scam. The cops steal the rego (Aussie for registration), they give it to a couple of 18 y.o. kids (either cops themselves or perhaps their sons), the kids do the transaction in the dark in a non-descript place, and they split the cash with their fathers (I mean cops). Perfect little game by the Authorities – I’m sure it happens all the time.

So, how can you feel safe when the Cops are this corrupt?

God forbid you get caught drunk driving… it could cost like $500 USD on the spot — or they take you to the Station. They don’t want to take you to the station, they just want money. So, the take home message is that if you are going to drink and drive, have more cash with you. Oh, and supposedly in the new year the offense for drunk driving doubled — so the cops get to demand more. So drive a crappy car and look like you got no money. And drive the speed limit. And if they pull you over, have a bit of spare cash, and check your documents before you leave the scene.

The second example happened to my wife. We were planning on going to (I’ll just tell you it’s a ‘nearby country’ so as to not incriminate anyone) for a short holiday. No problem for me, holding a US passport, but for her (Ukrainian passport) it is a different story.

You have two options, go to the embassy and apply for a visa, or go through a travel agency who can process everything for you (for a price). We decided to go straight to the embassy, because we had already booked our hotel and airfare, etc… and didn’t need the whole shebang with the travel agent. When arriving, she stood in a queue. After about an hour, she found out that visas are processed by number, and by waiting in the line, you get assigned a number. The approximated that there was about a 2 week waiting period until your number will get called. You are required to show up at 7am each day to “check in” to make sure you stay in the queue. At this point, it would have taken about 2-3 WEEKS. Sure, that might be fine for someone who doesn’t have a job, and lives nearby… but for everyone else that’s a serious pain in the ass. That being said, there was a huge line of people waiting already.
The alternative: My wife asked the lady that doled out the queue numbers if there was any other way (other than travel agents, who have their own scams going on). Of course there was. This country runs on bribery. She was told directly that she could go speak with that “gentleman over there.” Typical sort: big, Russian looking dude wearing a long black leather coat, smoking a cigarette. Sketchy.

She walked over and said “I heard you can make things happen a little faster around here.” He replied, “What do you need done?” She said “A tourist visa.” He said it would cost 250 Hrivna ($50 USD), and he promised everything would be “taken care of.” Although she had all the paperwork already filled out, the leathered individual insisted that he fill out the paperwork at a nearby cafe. So, they went, and he copied the information onto new forms, and after the monetary exchange, instructed my wife to go around to the back of the embassy. Tell the guard that “X” sent you, and he should let you in. She inquired as to how he could assure her of this, and he said “that’s not my problem.”

So, she followed his instructions and went to see the guard around back. He let her in, she saw the relevant officer inside the embassy, and within 5 minutes she was out of there… and she should receive her passport in the mail within 10 days. Sure enough, it showed up with a shiny new visa.

The point is that most people can’t afford to pay 250 Hrivna to get a tourist visa. But for those that can, standing in a line for 2 weeks is absurd. And, they know that. It’s a scam! Welcome to the developing world.
I have to say, you learn a lot from living in another culture.