Not that I need to continue on with this MIL theme much more, but I just couldn’t resist today’s scene.

This morning I woke up and stayed in my room for a bit. Didn’t emerge until 11:30am or so. My wife was in the kitchen (working from home lately) cooking up some zavtrak (breakfast).

The bedroom door was open (just a bit) and so I could hear MIL and wifey chatting away in Ruski (though I only understand a fraction of their discussion). The door has been open for a while, but I just haven’t emerged. Finally I decide it’s time to go brush my teeth and have my chai.

Luckily I had my camera in my hand when I emerged, because I caught this priceless picture. I was as stunned as you probably are right now. Sure, a body is a body, and everyone has one. But I’ll be damned if I ever expected to see my MIL in all her GLORY! We almost ran into each other in the hallway, but fortunately she got a glimpse of me first, and quickly turned around. Moreover, the hallway is somewhat dark — so I couldn’t get the best view… butt then again, the camera did the recording.

OK, fine, I made that part up. No camera — and the picture above is not my MIL… but I found it on the web, and it is pretty close to what I saw. MIL is, perhaps, a bit more woman, actually. And MIL had her bra on, so I didn’t see the ginormous teets bouncing from side to side as she scrambled in a total panic as my shadow began to emerge from the doorway of my room.

She couldn’t quite move quickly enough though. I exited my room and saw the short and stocky outline of my MIL sprinting into her bedroom. Honestly, my brain couldn’t quite interpret what I was witnessing (I’ve never seen her move that fast) until she scrambled through her own doorway. The sunlight emanating from her bedroom doorway shone on her magnificent rippled and irregularly shaped behind. It was then that I realized — I just saw my mother in law totally NAKED!

“What?” I turned to my wife who was in the kitchen, at the end of the adjoining hallway. “What the hell was that? Was MIL naked?” She looked at me WIDE-EYED — and asked if I really just saw her. I responded, posturing as if she actually thought I could so quickly make up such an accurate depiction without actually knowing that it occurred.

My eyes burned. I think I have developed macular holes from the unexpected encroachment on my retina. Luckily I know a couple great surgeons…

Seriously… the funniest part of this shocking episode is the fact that MIL, wearing nothing more than a brazierre, walked all the way into the kitchen to chat with wifey about something. I guess she’s not shy at all when it comes to daughter. She said to my wife, “gee, I hope he doesn’t come out.”

Wouldn’t you know, Murphy was in the house. Fortune would have it that I didn’t walk in right at that time, because I would have gotten a full frontal view. I would have been immediately and totally blinded from such an vision… so I feel fortunate. From what I can gather, and based on actual events after confirming with my wife — MIL walked down the hallway away from the kitchen in all her glory after the initial chat with wifey, and turned away from my room and towards hers (at opposite ends of a hallway that makes a “T” with the kitchen hallway). At the last second, after making it all the way back to her room, she turned around to ask my wife one last question. As she did, she unfortunately (and to her horror) saw me exiting my room at far end of the hallway.

She must have flipped a 180 faster than any skater could. But unfortunately, the time it took to physically get her (semi-significant) mass back through her doorway allowed me a glimpse I will not soon forget. Holy Cow!!!
She apologized later. “Izvenita” she said. She was now fully clothed and ready to leave the house. In fact, I think she put on an extra sweater just because she felt so embarrassed. She smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little, exhibiting a huge grin. It really was… too funny.

Ahhhhh…. life in close quarters. I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time before the roles are reversed.