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Meta
The Metro
Author: Snotty1 Aug
Markets are always by Metro stops.
Housing is always by Metro stops.
Hot chicks are always by Metro stops.
Everyone likes the Metro.
They have become, as in many cities, cornerstones of commerce, communication, sales, and of course travel. Our Metro is something to be admired. The smells, the sites, the diversity, the sweat.
You enter the metro through the standard set of glass/stainless steel doors. In this case, it is our nearest station — Petrivka (pronounced Petrovka) (СТАНЦИЯ ПЕТРОВКА):
Then head downwards into the underground station.
And head over to the cashier for some tokens. Each token (sorry, no pic) is a blue piece of plastic about the size of a quarter. Each costs 50 kopeks (or 1/2 a hrivna, which equates to about 10 US cents). Sorry for the blurriness – it’s not your eyes!
After dropping your blue coin into the toll passage (guarded), you head down another set of stairs or escalator, and wait for a train.
Download The train arrives!
Most of the trains are blue. Some are painted advertisements for chocolate companies and the like. One the train it frequently looks something like this. Of course, this picture was taken in the winter — no mini-skirts here — only furs, jackets, and hats.
Occasionally you need to walk from line to line. The passageways are just delightful.
Download Mooooooooooo!
Sometimes you even cross over just to go up and exit out of the other station, as the traverse underground is more convenient. Nevertheless, at most stations, you exit using the escalators. It’s hard to convey in a picture, but these are definitely some of the longest single escalators I’ve ever been on.
So there’s your introduction to the Kiev Metro. Now… go ahead and scroll up so you can get another look at Amanda Braun. Go ahead – nobody’s looking. OK…
The smells: WHOA. I think many Russians (and/or Ukrainians – officially speaking) think showering is optional. There is undoubtedly a significant percentage of the population that showers at most once a week, perhaps once every 2 or 3 weeks. In reality, I’m not so sure it’s the people that smell so bad – once a week doesn’t quite give enough time for full-on odor to develop (I know from personal experience). More likely it’s their clothing. Let’s see if you can follow my logic: the same people that shower only once a week are likely to launder their clothing FAR less frequently. I’m guessing ONCE a month, at best. But wait, there’s more –> they wear those same clothes every day. No kidding. OK, perhaps they have 2 or 3 sets of clothes — but they just rotate through the pile next to their La-Z-Boy every morning, skipping the important step – laundering. So… even if someone looks like they are civilized, they may smell like shit. I don’t even want to think about their underwear. Thankfully in our house, we have a mother-in-law that tracks all of our clothing usage, laundering frequency, and room aromas. If ever there’s a need, she throws it into the wash. That being said, convincing my brother in law to shower more often remains a challenge…
So, our Metro also has babes. Yes, sexy, hot, sweaty, strapless, leopard patterned, mini-skirted, stiletto-wearing, BABES. Holy crap, I think that’s the only reason I like riding the otherwise unbearably noisy, obnoxious, and busy Metro system. The hotties are especially (and really, only) out and about during the spring/summer. Obviously they are out all year long, but it takes some heat (though not all that much) for them to really shed the clothing. Needless to say, there are tons of hot women here in Ukraine (and I’m only here because I married one –> one with lots of brains to boot!). That being said, not all are 10′s, but there are plenty of true beauties (at least as seen through my blue eyes).
Riding on the Metro is where you get some of the best views. For one, you are squeezed into the cars, and often unavoidably pressed into that wonderfully womanly body fat. But even when that doesn’t happen, you don’t have to look farther than one or two people to find a woman that is proudly displaying as much cleavage as she can squeeze out of her tiny top, without (directly) exposing her nipples. Then again, many don’t wear braziers, and the headlights shine right through. Shit… I think I’m getting myself into trouble with this post. Secondly, you are confined to the metro car in between stops. You can’t really get away, so it’s accepted that it’s OK to look. I suppose it’s the same everywhere… but there’s something about the Russians that make it unique. I guess you’ll have to visit to find out.
Kinda creepy, but I’ve seen plenty of guys travel (stalk) the whole length of the train car just to be next to a hot chick. Many Russians have no qualms with looking like total pigs. In fact, I think many of the women like it — call it perverse enjoyment.
Moreover, many of the metro stops involve going deep underground. Thus, there are long (and pretty steep) escalators (see above) that transport the folks up and down. It is perfectly normal to stare across at the opposing escalator and gawk. Hot damn. Sometimes you just HAVE to turn your head. I was with my buddy the other day, and I saw one of the best asses going up the other way. Bright red, skin tight shorts, with just a hint of the buttocks squeezing out the bottom of the 2-size too small spandex bottoms. I almost got off and ran up the other side so that I could just stand behind her for the last minute of the 3 minute escalator ride. OK, now I’ve really gotten myself into trouble. Did I mention how much I love my wife? Anyway, sometimes you just get lucky, and they squeeze in front of you going up — and you intentionally give them an extra step or two space, so that your head is at the proper level. OK, now I’m up a creek.
Wait a second, the street goes both ways — I know my wife looks at other men, too. Right, honey. Honey? Baby, where are you going?…
The Metro stations are fairly “blah” compared to the Russian stations (Moscow, St. Petersburg). Sure, sure, it’s similarly Soviet (as you would expect), but the Ukrainian (Kiev) stations lack the artistry of the Russian (Moscow) stations. Still, a few of the stations are quite nice, and remind you of stalwart, solid, crafted, “old-school” Soviet innovation and technology.
Here (left) are a few busts in one of the stations near downtown Kiev. I don’t know who they are — I’d have to ask my wife.
Alrighty, I’m tired… maybe I’ll add some more later.
On the positive side of Metro, it is efficient and timely. Perhaps not Swiss timing or anything like that, but many people rely on the Metro to get them around. At rush hour, a train shows up every ~90 seconds. The most I’ve waited is ~5 minutes, and that’s only very late at night, approaching the last trains of the day. Speaking of, I think the Metro opens at ~5am, and stops for the night at 12:30 – 1am. Almost the same as BART.
Cheers… and happy travels.
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