It’s a holiday weekend in Ukraine. Constitution day today. That means a long weekend. Nice.

We went to the dacha, as has been the norm ever since early May, on the weekends. We usually spend the night, and last night was no exception. It was particularly fun because it was just the immediate family (my wife, my son, and me). Mom is at a sanatorium. No, not for a crazed individual – in Ukraine it means more like a spa (see here). That’s not to say that she doesn’t sometime seem to be in need of one of those other facilities – but that’s for another day (he he he). Anyway, we did the usual gardening, watering, weeding, berry-picking, bbq, etc. I will post some pictures soon, I promise — some cute ones of Mikey, for sure.

But today’s post has more to do with my ride home. Yep, the motorcycle (Dnepr MT-11) is still running well (though someone stole my gas out of my tank – AGAIN – a couple weeks ago). Jesus – does it ever end?  Whatever…. it’s a bit warm for long pants, boots, and a leather jacket, but I still wear it all – because I like keeping my skin intact if I happen to come off the bike for some unexpected reason.

I’ve learned to deal with most Russian (Ukrainian) drivers pretty well. More or less – they all suck. Most feel entitled to the road, and if anything gets in their way, they simply drive around the obstacle if possible. Literally, they drive off road, on sidewalks, through parks, across parking lots, around trees, on private property, on highway shoulders (and beyond), and more. They honk, flash their lights at you, drive about 2 feet behind you, etc. Indeed, it is frustrating sometimes when you are patiently waiting in a queue for the traffic to subside, and the morons in their Land Rovers are passing you on the left, right, and center. Idiots. Pure and simple.

I’ve concluded (with the aid of discussion with my wife) that their behavior is really the immediate result of “new found freedom.” Such freedoms have been cast upon people – quickly and widely – and have been abused in many, many ways. I could give lots of examples, but let’s just say that corruption is rampant, the veil of democracy has been exploited by those in the know, and personal success and individual liberty is often flaunted, over-emphasized and/or abused.

So why do I mention this today? I’m glad you asked.

I made the motorcycle ride all the way into Kyiv; the dacha is about 50 km away. All was well – it was a nice temperature and I didn’t see a single cop on the road. Remember, it’s a holiday – they all must have been on vacation, getting pissed – like most other Ukrainians.

I was riding on one of the “ring roads” that speeds my journey to the city center, though it is less direct. Again, it was a holiday today, and I was riding mid-day, so traffic was relatively light. However, on the ring road, both lanes (in this particular spot) were filled with vehicles.

What do you know, there was a guy riding my ass as we went over an overpass. There were cars all around, and in front of me for as far as the eye could see. He honked 2 or 3 times at me. I put up my hand as to say “what do you want – there are cars in front of me?”  He got a bit pissy and passed me on the right – honking again.

Well – it pissed me off, and so I “flipped him the bird.”

Yep – the finger; up yours; the fuck you and the horse you rode in on…

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He obviously didn’t like this very much – even though he was being the unnecessarily aggressive typical Ukrainian prick driver that occupies all too much of the asphalt in this country. I’m guessing he is one of those assholes that looks for fights, beats his wife, gets shit-assed drunk every night, doesn’t have a job, still lives with his mother, steals from others, and thinks he is God’s gift to the planet. Typical scum around here. If you lived here, you would know what I mean. No, no, no – there are lots of good people too – but unfortunately, there are LOTS of these shit-for-brains too.

Anyway, this dickwad proceeded to get in front of me and slow down.

Fine. I’ve dealt with these losers before. I just stayed behind him.

Then he pretty much slammed on his brakes. Unfortunately, the brakes on the Dnepr aren’t so good, and with the sidecar attached they are even worse. Nevertheless, I locked up the front, and stopped before hitting the fucker.  (can you tell I’m a bit pissed?)

So, what do I do?

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and…

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again.

This really pissed the guy off. Clearly.

I stayed behind him, again, as he crawled forward. After about a hundred meters, he pulled forward and into the right lane.

He lowered his window and hit the brakes again. I came up on his left side, and what did I see?

A 9 mm handgun, pointed straight at me.

Holy shit man. Holy shit.

I ducked, out of instinct, hit the brakes, and just about shat myself.

I must have said WOW! about 100 times to the inside of my helmet over the next 5 minutes.

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My exit was only about 200 meters ahead. My heart was pumping like mad. I got into the right lane and watched him pass my exit. Before he was out of sight, and as I was exiting the ring road, what did I do?

I stood on my footpegs and…

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I was hoping he didn’t come hunt me down (and I regretted doing this after it was done – but I was so angry).

It just goes to show you that there are crazy people everywhere. And that gun control doesn’t mean shit here. Supposedly very, very few people have guns – but I’m not so sure. And what do you know, I saw this article in the NY Times about gun control today.

Whatever. I learned my lesson: do not brandish the finger lightly around here. It’s just not worth it. To them, in a country where it’s relatively cheap to “get rid” of someone, and where people are craving to display their power and authority wherever, whenver possible (because they virtually had none for the previous 70 years) – it’s better to keep the finger in my thoughts rather than in their rear-view mirror.

I mentioned it to my wife as soon as I got home. She knew something was up — as I parked in our parking garage she clearly saw and heard in my voice that I was disturbed by something. She had made it home about 5 minutes before me (in the car). She said that she has heard of similar stories happening to other ex-pats.

I guess the story goes that many ex-pats (like me) feel as if they can express their discontent with other drivers on the road – e.g., “flipping the bird.”

Sure, sure… road rage happens everywhere – I know. And yes, I’ve even seen it and been privy to it in the past. But somehow (if I’m allowed to contend) I feel that there’s a greater acceptance of such displays in the U.S. (for example). I mean that, in the U.S. (or at least many parts that I’ve driven in), when someone does something really stupid or ignorant, that person may get “the finger.” I’m not saying this is a wise thing to do – but gestures like this are more common – and often result in a return (similar) gesture.

Not, per se, with a gun pointed at you.

Regardless, again… I learned my lesson. It is seriously scary looking down the barrel of a gun and into the eyes of a 20-something year old who doesn’t really appreciate life yet.

I’ve learned, again, that I’m in another country which harbors some serious “loose cannons” that have very little to lose (or gain). Life isn’t respected as much as it should be. Really.

As I rode up the elevator of my building with my beautiful wife, adorable baby, and our summer house weekly booty – I realized that I had just escaped death. That fucker could have easily just pulled the trigger, and I’d be dead – or clinging to life – in a Ukrainian hospital. And he would have simply driven off, and nobody would have ever known really what happened – but I would have widowed my wife and son. And the guy wouldn’t have cared.

So… I think I’ll be keeping all my fingers in check from now on. It’s just not worth it!

I’m looking forward to coming home to America. And after today, the sooner the better.