So the title says it all… but let me start from the beginning (Friday evening).

Mikey went to sleep like normal. I don’t think we had any incling of the impending ~24 hr flu, or stomach virus, or the repercussions that may have come as a result of food (or non-food) poisoning. Regardless, Friday seemed fairly normal. Though it was a day off, I worked about half of the day. The nanny took Mikey to the park and such (perhaps this is where he got the bug).

Everything was normal.

We had tuna sandwiches for dinner, and as usual, Mikey liked them. My wife has become quite the tuna salad afficianado, particularly given the fact that I just showed her how to make tuna salad for the first time about 6 months ago.

Again, everything seemed fine, until ~2am, when all of Mikey’s tuna ended up on the bed of the crib and on the floor just beyond its edge. The constant crying should have been a clue to something really wrong, but sometimes he just has a bad dream and then falls back to sleep. But after 3-4 minutes, Helen went to check on him.

She observed the trauma, stayed up with him after cleaning everything up, and got him to go back to sleep after about an hour. I can’t recall for sure (I stayed asleep – thanks Helen!), but I think he may have had another episode at 4 or 5 am. When I woke up (~9 am, Saturday) Helen explained the situation. Clearly he was very feverish – and it was concerning.

It took a while for the Ibuprofen to kick in (almost 2 hours) – but I think it was because he was sooooo hot (his legs, his head, his back, his chest – but his feet were cool/cold). Though the Ibuprofen helped, after 3 hours we gave him a full dose of Children’s Tylenol. That too seemed to help, but he was still hot.

He drank a bottle of milk, and that came back up within about 15 minutes. He was right next to me, and I didn’t know that his “stomach issues” were gonig to persist, so I didn’t have a bowl ready.

If flooded out like a quart of expulsion from a large pressurized garden hose. It was for sure more than he drank.

It pooled in the corner of our [rented] leather couch. I had to let it rest and soak into the cracks while I cleaned him up, changed his clothes, and took some time to calm him down. Like most anyone (especially any kid), he gets a bit scared when he vomits. He doesn’t understand why it’s happening, and of course it is a completely autonomic response (both sympathetic and parasympathetic). But I should not digress into the scientific rabbit hole…

After cleaning up the ejected milk, and waiting another 15 minutes or so, we proceeded to give Mikey some water. Of course we did this because we began to feel as if he might be a bit dehydrated after vomiting last night and in the morning. Unfortunately, this was our second mistake: I think we provided him with too much (we basically let him drink as much as he wanted). Essentially this was ammunition for the second cannon shot.  We saw the water, a second time, shortly thereafter.

From early morning I was sitting on the couch next to him. He was laying down, was still very hot, and clearly lethargic. He was wobbly, and had a hard time moving – and when he did anything even the slightest bit “strenuous” he shaked and was unsteady on his feet. SCARY for the parents, without a doubt – I promise you. But the fever was slowly cooling.

He slept. Almost an hour if my memory serves correctly.

When he woke he was again sweating. We continued our standard therapy, and decided it would be good for him to physically cool down – so we gave him a brief, cool bath. He was just too warm for my liking – and the latest dose of NSAIDs hadn’t kicked in yet (and of course you don’t want to double dose, ever, unless the alternative is going to clearly be much worse than any possible side effects).

Finally, we settled on a little juice and some water after calming down in front of the TV. I guess this was our third mistake. We shouldn’t have given him ANY more than ~10 mLs of ANYthing. But again, we thought he needed some fluids, and he seemed to like the strawberry-banana juice I picked up at the store last week. Again, he seemed fine… until it all came back up – this time on the other side of our L-shaped, off-white, all-leather couch (again – thankfully rented).

The PROBLEM (This THIRD TIME) was that my closed laptop was laying nearby. Too nearby if you know what I mean. And wouldn’t you know it – the projectile vomit went straight into the left side of my 17″ MacBook Pro. Because it was closed, my immediate reaction was that this was going to be no problem… I’ll just clean it and all will be OK.

Nope. Duh.

Again the emesis (mostly just water and juice – but routinely appearing to be greater in volume than what we had given him, implying that it was coming from beyond the proximal duodenum/ileum) was prolific and thorough. Yuck. But it was pretty clear fluid, for the most part, so I’m really not sure what was happening – and just assumed that he had a bad stomach bug. Obviously nothing was staying down.

The problem, once again, was that I had to take care of him in spite the sticky spew all over the couch. Unfortunately I didn’t quite notice the severity of the pooling along the left side of my computer with the immediacy that would have been recommended by my IT support staff. It just so happened that the computer was propped up slightly on the back of the couch, and the left side of the computer was touching the bottom cushion of the couch. This created a small “well” or “V-shape” between the cushion and the computer – and this is where the gastric expulsion rested.

Shit.

I knew this was bad, but what could I do? Shit does happen.

I quickly (within about 5-7 seconds) realized the unfolding drama and moved the computer to prevent the majority of the pooling, and to facilitate drainage. Damage done already – I feared.

After another round of cleaning up, changing the boy, calming the stressful situation, and settling down to vegetate in front of the television again (which is very unusual for our household) – I then tended to my beloved computer.

I used some Q-tips and Kleenex as required to clean out the ports. I opened the laptop, cleaned the fluid that had wicked (capillary action) in between the screen and the left side wrist rest, and shut down the computer before proceeding with a more thorough cleaning. The thin black seal along the edge of the screen, which looks nice and sexy -  didn’t seem to stop the flow. I wonder if Apple ever tested for puke seepage during R&D?

I had to squish the end of the Q-tips with plyers in order to flatten the tip(s) to the point where they would fit into the port.

With the cripmed Q-tips being flat enough to get above and below the male appendage (containing the ~20 contact pins) on the inside of the mini display port, I figured I had accomplished what needed to be accomplished. Gastrointestinal innards were removed, and the port appeared (without diligent inspection) to be generally clear.  But still – I knew it needed more.

I busted out the toothpicks and did my best to clean out any remaining vomitous detritus left behind after the Q-tip swabbing, bit by acidic bit. Feeling pretty confident now, I returned to tending to my son. He was sweating, whining, aching and generally unhappy. I did my best to console him, pet him, cool him, and keep his mind off of his aching muscles/belly/whatever. I asked, repeatedly, where it hurt (in Russian – Где болит) – but he just couldn’t tell me. Either he didn’t know how to say it, or he was just in too much pain to try to explain, or even point for that matter.

After about an hour I openened the computer and fired her up. All seemed well, I connected to the wireless, checked my email, and felt very relieved that nothing had happened to the overall functioning. In the late afternoon/early evening I took my refurbished computer to the office and plugged it into my 23″ monitor, a mouse, the internet cable, and the printer cable.

Problems started here.

The external 23″ monitor didn’t go on after connecting to the mini-display port. It should have, but I’ve had troubles before with the external monitor’s power control box. So, I unplugged all the cables and plugged them back in.

Yeah right. Dreaming I must have been!

My son PUKED INTO my USB and mini-display ports, and I, somehow, was thinking (dreaming) that something ELSE must be wrong?   Talk about denial not being a river!

But after 2 minutes of trying various things, plugging and unplugging cables – I admitted to myself that it was most likely the projectile strawberry banana vomit that shorted out my port that controls external monitors.  Nooooooo!

The clincher was when I plugged in my old computer (which is now Helen’s), and it fired up the external monitor straightaway.

Damn it. I love this capability to drive a big, fat external monitor – and I use it both at work AND at home, routinely. Yes, I have a 17″ MacBook – but I love the extra acreage that another monitor provides! DAMN IT! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!  I can’t believe I’ve been foiled by puke.

I proceeded to clean the ports again. The USB worked after the first cleaning – but obviously something is still wrong with the mini-display port… or it did, in fact, short out something inside the computer.

I even tried to run a Apple Hardware Diagnostics on my computer by starting it up while holding down the “D” key – but I guess my computer is too old for this to do over the internet, and otherwise I needed to have the original disc that came packed with the computer – over 2 years ago. Man – I have so many discs floating around, I’m not even sure where it is. I tried restarting with a Snow Leopard disc – that didn’t work. I then tried a Leopard disc – that didn’t work.   Ahhhh – fuck it.

I cleaned out the port again as best I could. Again some miniscule crap came out on the tip of the Q-tip. I thought I’d surely done it now. But alas, as you might have surmised from my story thus far, it was to no avail. Nothing was working. Damn it again…

I became depressed. I even started looking at websites on repairing mini-display ports. There are very few out there – and not much information specifically about any kind of specific issues related to regurgitating into one’s display port and the repercussions or remedies therefor. Without much luck – I started looking at new computers.

Ooooh. New computer!

Clearly I was despondent. I left the computer on the desk, refocused my care on my son once again, and went to bed feeling crappy because my son was ill, and that f’n illness took out my computer as well. Damn it.

[Sunday] I was up at 4 am and 6 am to check on Mikey. Both times he was much better than during the day on Saturday. He was surely a bit warmer than normal, but he was actually pretty close to normal. Instead of waking him up, sticking a suppository up his ass, and possibly causing distress that could result in an hour(s) of crying and recognition of existing pain – I let him sleep. After the 6 am check, I was pretty sure he was doing OK, so I returned to sleep until again, until about 8:30 am, when Jimmy woke up.

Though Mikey wasn’t quite himself, and he appeared to be weak and somewhat dehydrated after waking up – he was definitely better than the day before. He still refused to eat ANYTHING. Nevertheless, I knew he was on his way to recovery – amazingly.

Returning to my computer issue – by mid-day this notion of the mini-display port being fried was starting to fry me and my brain. How did it happen? How could it have happened? I want to see the evidence if something “burned out.” So, I opened up the computer. Pretty easy, because I have some really small screwdrives for my motorcycle. Ten screws later, the back was off, and I was peering around the inside looking for damage. I cleaned fuzz from around the fans and looked for traces of gastric secretions around the affected ports in addition to any unusual markings, fizzles, or anything indicating a “pop.”

I saw nothing, and I wasn’t convinced something actualy fried inside.

I returned to the toothpick supply, the Q-tip drawer, and pulled out my plyers again. I began re-flattening my arsenal of Q-tips, and this time I busted out the last few milliliters of 100% EtOH we have in our stash.

Using all the focal strength of my aging eyes (hardening lenses), and taking advantage of direct sunlight beaming into my living room – I proceeded to clean the port AGAIN. Though nothing was obvious, I noticed some minute dried crusties deep and inside the port. They were for all intents and purposes, not an issue. But I wanted that sucker as clean as could be.

I cleaned once, I cleaned twice, and I cleaned again for good measure.

Can you guess what happened next?

It worked.

Yahoooooo!  Whooooooopie!!!  I am DA MAN!  Ooooooohhhhh   Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Soooooo stoked.

My son, who had a 1 day viral infection (or some sort of gastrointestinal toxin, without diarrhea) was in full recovery mode, AND my computer was BACK!

It has been a roller coaster of a weekend, so I thought I should take advantage and not forget it by blogging about it now.

I wonder how many others have brought in their computers to a computer repairman – only for the repairman to find that nothing was wrong with their computer except that a pin inside some port wasn’t clean or was shorting out for some reason?  (Oh, and then charging like ~$300 for a new chip or something).

Anyway, I’m stoked. Happy days again. Time for bed.